Dirty Harriet

My newest Czech experience involved handling some hardware...and I don't mean of the sexual nature...although that could be a story for another day:-) No I am referring to la pistola!  Yep, ya girl handled a hot piece of lead today...(hahaha...I can't seem to get away from the sexual innuendos).  So one of my students...Richard is quite a piece of work and he is probably one of the most interesting people I've met in a really long time.  He is SUPER smart.  He holds a PhD in Geo physics, a Law degree and at one time was Deputy Minister of Agriculture.  He speaks Russian, Czech, some German and English at a very high level.  He is an avid hunter, has a deep interest in guns, is a cyclist and avid outdoors man.  He has a broad range of interest and I actually refer to him as a bit of a renaissance man. Richard and I meet twice a week for an hour and half and our conversation cover just about anything any everything.

How I ended up with a hot piece of lead in my hands started when Richard asked me once if was I interested in guns.  I told him that I was actually afraid of guns.  Guns and Americans in my opinion are a dangerous and often deadly combination.  I was able to hold a general conversation about guns mostly due to the fact that the evening news on any given day in the U.S. is full of fun gun facts (just kidding).  Anyway Richard and I  had a long conversation about the mentality of gun owners on both sides of the Atlantic and honestly I think the Czechs win.  Well, I guess the seed was planted for him because two weeks ago he asked me if I would be interested in going to shoot pistols for target practice.  My initial response was "Nope...no interest at all"...but in the spirit of trying new things and improving international relations with Czechs,  I decided to keep an open mind and give it a go.  So I agreed. 

So the plan was that we would meet after my last class today.  He gave me the location to meet him and immediately I got a little concerned.  The location of the shooting range he selected was way out in bum fucked Prague.  I will admit that I was a bit nervous as the underground took me out wwwaaayyyy beyond any stop that I was familiar with.  For the most part I've had no racial issues in Prague, but I also stay close to the center.  Besides some stares Czechs kind of ignore me and I don't really try to push the issue by straying away from the center.  So this suggestion created quite a situation for me.  As I am want to do, I started imagining all types of scenarios.  Was I being set up?  Maybe Richard was a part of some satanic Czech cult group and I was being lured me away from civilization to be a human sacrifice.  What if....what if...what if...  Okay.  I had to get a hold of myself.  This was Richard, a high level airport manager with too much to loose for anything about this little outing to go wrong.  But I was sure glad that I had spoken with Tina earlier today and told her about my outing, so just in case I went missing there was someone that knew that I was last seen with one of my students.  I also programmed my phone that if I hit the speed dial button it would call a fellow teacher that I am close to here in Prague.  With my precautions taken I regain my sanity and set my mind to enjoying the experience.


The shooting range is about 15 minutes from the metro station.  We walk in and my first impression is that I am struck by all of the animal pelts tacked on the wall as we walk down the entry hall.  Secondly,  instead of pictures of people there are pictures of framed bullets...seriously!  My third impression was made by  the three guys leaving the bar area in camouflage and baseball caps...wait it's the Czech version of a Bubba!  Open mind...open mind...open mind...right? right!  So we get the counter and the guy there helps us fill out our paperwork.  We head down another hall; more framed bullets and at the end of the hall there is an AK-47 mounted over the doorway.  We go to one more counter where we get the bullets, headphones, protective eye gear and target sheets.  We are ready!  As we enter the shooting area I notice that it is kind of barren.  We are the only ones in the target shooting area.  Not sure what I was expecting but it was kind of stark.  We go to our stall.  Richard give me a quick lesson on gun safety..."don't point the gun at him...even if it isn't loaded".  There was a bit more to the lesson...keep the gun pointed forward at all times.

He mounts the target sheet and loads the gun; a 357 revolver.  He asks if I want him to go first.  I'm like "yeah...that is probably a good idea".  The sheet seems to be about a mile away.  To be honest I really can't make out the target circles very clearly.  Richard says the target sheet is only about 50 feet away.  I squint but still can't really make out the target circles...okay...I think now is the time I have to admit to needing glasses.   Vision impairment aside, I watch Richard line up and take aim.  He pulls the trigger and the boom from the gun nearly causes me to take off running.  Holy shit!  It was soooo loud!!! Boom. boom, boom, boom, boom!  Five more rounds and I admit my nerves are rattled.  I am relieved that he has emptied the gun.  He reels in the target sheet and all of his shots are in the black circles; closest to the center.  Impressive in my opinion, but Richard is kind of blase about it.  He says "it's okay".  He reloads the gun and sends the target sheet back out to no man's land.

It's my turn!  Richard shows me how to line of the sight, pull back on the hammer and tells me to be prepared for the recoil.  I grab a hold of the pistol with both hands.  One to steady my hand because it is shaking so bad and the other reason is that the freaking gun is heavy!  I attempt to line up my shot as instructed and let her rip.  First thing I notice is that I don't know how to pull the trigger, second thing is the sound while holding a gun shakes me down to my toes and thirdly the recoil cause my arm to go up so my first shot I'm sure found itself lodged in the ceiling.  Not the best start but I trudge forward.  I finished my next five shots and Richard reels in the target sheet and maybe to his surprise but not mine I had not hit the target sheet once.  My bullets where sprayed in the walls, ceiling and floor but not on the target paper.  I think Richard was disappointed but I was really proud.  I held a gun for the first time in my life and had not wounded myself or anyone else.  Mission accomplished.

Well, the fun and games did not end there.  We shoot two more rounds at the 50 feet range with my aim improving not one bit.  I think Richard finally concedes that I basically suck at 50 feet.   So for the third round of shooting he brings my target sheet in by 25 feet.  I tried not to jump for joy at being able to distinguish the circles but all of  a sudden my confidence level goes up.  At this distance Stevie Wonder could make contact!  I also inform Richard that the two-handed amateur stance was not helping me hit the target and that I should try the one handed professional stance.  He looks skeptical but agrees that I should try it.  So I assume the side stance with my arm fully extended and rip off a shot!  BOOM! HA!  Guess what?!  I make contact with the target paper....yes it is wwwwaaayyy outside of the rings that count as points but it's contact and a vast improvement to making contact with the ceiling and the floor!  BOOM!, BOOM!, BOOM!, BOOM!, BOOM! I shoot my remaining five shots using my professional one-handed grip.  When the smoke clears I have made two out of six shots.  Let's not get carried away here, I still suck...but I did manage to hit one more target and it is one inside the target rings!

I'm euphoric and Richard is rather happy as well.  He comments that "if I was being stalked by a real intruder, I would be less dead than my last two attempts".  With those words of encouragement I am ready for my next round.  So Richard reloads and instead of six shots, I only get four.  I won't even try and speculate what this says about my abilities, I'm just too pumped!  I line up my stance and let her rip!  I don't increase my number of contacts but I do improve my aim!  The two shots that make contact are closer to the black target area! Even Richard is getting convinced that I am a sharp shooter in the making.  He loads up the final two rounds and hand me the gun.  I feel a moment of bonding taking place between us.  Not quite parental but more like I have slightly redeemed myself in his eyes.  I think maybe Richard has an idea that all Americans are somehow gun aficionados.  It is possible the violence in our culture leads Europeans to believe that being able to fire a gun is as American as apple pie!  Whatever the reason at 50 feet I am hopeless and 25 feet I might be a contender!  I take my stance and line up the sight and calmly pull the trigger...BOOM...BOOM!  Contact baby and finally I hit the inner black rings that indicate that I am a respectable shot!  

As Richard and I are cleaning up our stall and making our way out to the car I am hoping for some words of praise and he doesn't let me down.  He begins by telling me about his girlfriend's daughter who is 22 years old and came out to shoot with him a few weeks ago for the first time.  She tired at 50 feet and ....(wait for it.  I thought he was going to say she did as poorly as I did, however I got something else.) She shot as well as he did her very first time.  Okay maybe not exactly words that I wanted to hear but Richard doesn't let me down.  He then goes on to add this this nugget of encouragement.  "You know, at first you were pretty much shit but you did get better.  Next time you will hit more and we'll make a marksman out of you!" I can't describe the warm fuzzy feeling I got knowing that as time goes by I could actually blows someones head off and mean it!

Ice Follies

Yesterday the snow returned.  It stared strangely; at first it was wet, more rain than snow.  But within 30 minutes it quickly turned into flakes.  Beautiful flakes!  Fluffy, amazing, giant flakes!!  It looked like someone was dumping a bag of feathers from the sky.  However, I have learned very quickly that "snow today" means "trouble tomorrow" and this hard earned knowledge was again proven to be a fact today.  Generally over night in Prague, the temps both raise and fall very quickly.  Yesterday afternoon's heavy snow fall both melted and froze over night on the sidewalks creating a dangerous obstacle for my Friday morning commute!

So this morning as I left  my flat at 7:00am I discovered that the sidewalk outside my door had turned into a sheet of ice!  Smooth as a mirror's surface!  I'm not too worried because I am wearing what I think are acceptable shoes for navigating slippery surfaces.  But I still take the precaution of hugging the front of the buildings as I begin my slow decent down the hill and on to the metro stop.  It's a bit of a crab walk.  A step here...test...okay safe...next step...test....safe.  I repeat this slow process for about 5 feet until I gain a little confidence.  I let go of the building thinking "I'm good...shoes feel okay".  Well as soon as the idea flitted across my mind, panic set in... I  promptly feel my feet slip from under me!  I can't stop falling nor am I close enough to use the building to break my fall!!  I hit the ground on my backside and wrist; catching most of the brunt of the fall on my wrist.  I sit for a second...in shock!  Did I just fall on my ass?!  The cold ice seeping through my clothing is the first indicator that my situation is quite real.  The second indication is the shocked look on the face of the Czech lady who is walking her dog.  Like me she is suspended in disbelief.  She is down hill from me and after a few seconds  she tries to rush over to try and help me.  Trying to go up hill on this slippery slop is a challenge for her so I hop up quickly  before she could reach me regaining my footing.  She speaks in rapid Czech.  Even though I can't understand a single word she is saying I know that she is asking me am I okay.  I guess she sees the look on my face and promptly switches to English.  "Are you okay?" She asks in English.  I am but I am also caught between embarrassment and dismay.  I respond "yes, I am okay, just surprised I think."  She says "this is ridiculous!  The streets are horrible! Be careful further down it is worse."

I thank her and go back to hugging the building trying to make my way down.  I can still feel my feet sliding with each step I take.  I am now wondering if I have on the right shoes!  I briefly contemplate going back home and changing my shoes but the thought of trying to find traction to go back up the hill is even more intimidating than what I am experiencing already.  So I carry on...step by slow slippery step!  I finally get near the bottom of the hill and I am feeling a little better but I also know that here is where it gets tricky.   In order to make it to a flat surface I still have to navigate one  final steep drop and make my way around a corner before I am home free and on flat ground.   The added danger is that I have to let go of the building in order to complete my descent!  I take a deep breathe and reach out with my foot and try to see it feels solid.  I feels okay, so I let go!  I take one step to try and bring my feet together and immediately feel my feet shifting out from up under me!  OH SHIT! I can't keep my balance I am going down AGAIN!  I hit the ground hard AGAIN, wrist takes a jolt AGAIN; however to add insult to injury this time when I fall I also slide!  I slide for about  three feet down the rest of the hill!!!  Ugh!  How embarrassing!  I am mortified...safe at the bottom of the hill but still mortified.  I know it is probably too much to ask that there be no witnesses to my "icecapades" and sure enough karma is a bitch! LOL!   I look up and across the street  there is a guy who has stopped.  He  can't decide whether to come to help or what.  He pauses for another moment and decides that there is no need to rescue this particular "damsel in distress".  He instead elects to laugh, shake his head and keep walking!  I'm with you brother....let's both pretend that I just didn't just fall and bust my ass!